This new poem came from the deepest place of connection. It is a very personal description of my reunion with spirit during my recovery journey, and a nod to the divine within us all. We all have names for this (god/spirit/angel/ancestor/guide)… I do not care what name you give to yours; my wish for you is only that you may be in its presence.*

her/guide

I remember you 
locked around my green bones and carrying me 
like a sack of broken tiles, knocking and scraping
a future mosaic
a once-shiny old plate

there was a time before I understood divinity
(that worn-out rhyme)
when all I could do was drown
my eyelids were the surface, but
I had ‘that’ and I had ‘this’ and 
I had ten-thousand more where those came from 

I suppose you were there, like always
tallying overlooked synchronicities 
(who wants to count wrong turns?)
not saint, but crone
my long-haired whisper-keeper
under the bed
under the skin

because we’re all taught to believe
that we’re alone
until one day I closed my eyes
and I was not.

©Vixen Lea 2020

*This poem was originally published in Illumination – a Medium.com publication – and received unexpected pushback from a family member who was offended by my suggestion that we all hold a piece of the divine inside ourselves. I would like to state that my writings or poetry are in no way intended to influence the spiritual beliefs of anyone else. Although it has taken me many years to reach a place of nonjudgment and compassion, I can honestly say that I have deep respect for anyone with a strong connection to the spirit of their choosing, as long as their beliefs do not condone harming or oppressing others. May we all find a way to understand and accept each other.