Today after my morning meditation, I pulled this card from one of my oracle decks (Wild Offering by Tosha Silver): Being Enough.
I stared at it awhile, listening inwardly to hear what the universe was saying to me through this card. (This is what I do when I draw oracle cards for myself – become still so that I may discern the message within. Perhaps the card and message were brought to my attention by an unseen force greater than myself – Spirit/Source/God. Perhaps the messages arise from my own subconscious mind or intuitive knowing, and the card is simply a prompt. Or perhaps, both are equally true.)
Today I saw the card as a reminder of the wholeness within us all. I took a picture of the card and posted it on Instagram with the caption:
In case you forgot…https://www.instagram.com/wakinguprazzledazzle/
We know this intuitively as small, children; until our peers/family/society drills the message tour head that we are somehow ‘lacking’ and need to alter ourselves/or disguise ourselves/or compete to win/or act less weird/or blend in/ or fix what appears broken/ or fill ourselves up.
You are enough. I am enough.
Later, I picked up my library copy of Daring Greatly by Brené Brown to enjoy some quiet reading time after lunch. I flipped to my book-marked page and saw the words, “If we want freedom from [our self-destructive] perfectionism, we have to make the long journey from ‘What will people think?’ to ‘I am enough.’”
For me, the struggle hasn’t been so much about achieving ‘perfection,’ but about seeking praise and validation. I, like so many of us, have been achievement-driven for much of my life. I was seeking the glory of the ‘win’ (be it trophies, grades, accolades, or, nowadays, ‘likes’ and ‘follows’), so much so that it overshadowed the joy of the activity itself. I could only feel WORTHY because someone said so, or pinned a first-place ribbon on me, or clicked a heart emoji for my latest post.
After that initial rush of endorphins that come with praise or winning, there is always a let-down. Once you’ve attached your self-worth to external validation, you soon realize that you must continue to ‘win’ to continue to feel worthy.
Writing (especially poetry) has helped to discover the joy and value in the DOING. Writing is like medicine to me – it heals me, it uncovers old wounds and stitches them up; it airs out new wounds, and it allows my emotions to be fully felt and fully released.
When I create something, like a blog post or a poem, I can still feel that needy ache to be validated from outside forces. I want people to read it, respond to it, Like it/Share it, and hold it with as much love and care as I do. But what other people do is outside of my control and, more importantly, has nothing to do with my own value.
Sometimes what I write gets a lot of praise; and sometimes it’s a flop. But either way, I created something that helped me process my experiences, and that in itself is ENOUGH.
Brené goes on to write, “To claim the truths about who we are, where we come from, what we believe, and the very imperfect nature of our lives, we have to be willing to give ourselves a break and appreciate the beauty of our cracks or imperfections. To be kinder and gentler with ourselves and each other. To talk to ourselves the same way we’d talk to someone we care about.”
Ah, yes. If only we could all learn to speak to ourselves the way we would our best friend, this world would be tipped on its head by the force of so many whole, happy people.
So thanks for the messages, universe. I’m listening.
©Skye Nicholson 2021